Back in November, I gave you some homework. Did you do it? I hope so! Being on the same page as your spouse about your vision for the future is very important. I have some more homework for you again this week. It’s a lot like last time’s—getting on the same page as your spouse. Except this time the topic of conversation is in the nearer future.

How Much Would You Like To Help Your Children Financially?

After the retirement conversation, the next one is kids. Even if you don’t have kids, you may want to have this same conversation relating to other family members in general. How much financial support would you like to provide?

Again, there is a wide spectrum of possible answers to this one. I’ve seen everything from “You start paying rent on your 18th birthday” to “I’ll keep paying your car insurance well into your 30’s.” The major place the topic of helping out adult (age 18+) children comes up is in regards to college.

How Much Do You Want To Help Pay For College?

Do you want to contribute to your children’s college education? If so, how much? Do you want to pay for it all so they aren’t saddled with debt? Do you want them to shoulder part of the burden so they feel they have skin in the game? Do you want them to find their own way to develop character and responsibility as an adult?

Chances are, your initial reaction to this question will be to do whatever your parents did for you. That’s what I have seen with most people. After all, it worked for you, didn’t it? But what happens if you and your spouse have different opinions based on your different experiences?

Here’s another opportunity to practice your marital communication skills. Talk it through with your spouse. If you have different ideas, sincerely try to understand their point of view instead of just trying to help them see your point of view. This is a topic that you should really try to find some agreement on before your kids are old enough to ask. 

Also, your kids might not ask. They may assume that you will provide for them what all of their friends’ parents are providing. If that’s not the case, speak up sooner rather than later. If most of your children’s classmates are wealthier than you are, then you should start to set realistic expectations early. 

What About After College?

In December 2020, more than one in five 25- to 29-year-olds lived in their parent’s homes. And you can’t blame the pandemic, because the December 2019 numbers were actually higher for that age group. 

Here’s a question: are your children welcome to come back and live in your home after college? Will it be on the same terms as before college? 

I know some people love and cherish having time when their adult children are living under their roof. I mean, isn’t your goal as a parent to help your children become the kind of people that you love to be around? I’ve also seen young people who have lived with their parents rent-free while saving up for a down payment on a house, which gave them a great head start in life that they didn’t take for granted. Then there are the people who think they can go back home and not have to work and their parents will just keep supporting them as if they were kids again. 

Do you know how your spouse feels about adult children returning home?

What About Weddings?

College is something that most parents have thought about at least once or twice and even what happens after college. Here’s something that usually scares parents, though, especially dads: weddings. Yes, your baby girl may get married someday. It’s the only way you’ll ever get grandchildren, after all. 

While you don’t need to set a budget for your seven-year-old’s future wedding, you should start mulling over in your mind what your participation will look like. I’ve seen people make detrimental financial decisions to fund lavish weddings because that’s the expectation that was set for their children. 

But I’m not here to tell you what to do with your money. I’m just here to tell you to be proactive and intentional rather than reactive. And you and your spouse should do so as a team.